Archive for June, 2007

Ultimate Hellsing: AMEN!

June 29, 2007

Vampires and the occult are no rare presence in the often frustrating and maddening world of Japanese anime. After a few episodes of Trinity Blood I caught on Adult Swim I was ready to slam my face against the corner of a desk just to empty my skull of the insipid and dull meandering that tried to pass for animated entertainment. Sure, I could sever an optical nerve in the process, whatever, as long as Trinity Blood exits my visual center forever.


Witch Hunter Robin was even worse. I neutered myself specifically in the case that my offspring might one day in the future produce something similar to that wretched X-Files-meets-X-Men horseswallow. The show was as cliched as they come. A secret combat unit with special powers uncovers conspiracies. Gosh, sounds kind of like Stand Alone Complex come to think of it, one of the penultimate episodes even features a similar siege on the protagonists’ headquarters, but whereas SAC treated its characters and audience with a pat and a handshake, WHR poured sugar in your gas tank and stomped on your face with the main character Robin’s trendy black boot. The whole point of the show is Robin battles witches with her unique fire powers. Later on, she’s shocked to find out she’s a witch herself.

Robin, welcome to Fucktardville.


All would be forgiven if any of these shows had any sense of aesthetic design, decent production values or if anything happened in them. Nothing happens in most anime nowadays. Speeches and bullshit replace action, most of it redundant, all of it stupid. This stuff not only ignores the golden rule of writing fiction – show, don’t tell – it outright fucking defies it with all the audacity of the thousand nations of Persia. Sometimes you’ll see a character’s “cool” attack move or something, then other characters, spectators really, endlessly tell you about it until the episode’s over and you’re left prying out your own kneecaps with a bedpost.

Then there’s the recently released, currently ongoing Ultimate Hellsing.



Deja Spew

June 28, 2007

Some people eat popcorn when they watch movies. Others eat candy.

Me? Pork, baby.

Pork doesn’t make Deja Vu much better though.



Pie with The Fly

June 24, 2007

What better way to spend a night with friends than with some apple pie, vanilla ice cream and David Cronenberg’s seminal body horror flick The Fly?

I can’t think of many. Can you, Jeff Goldblum?

Hey what's up! |:3

Oh ho. \:3


PSP Mega Man is mega tough

June 20, 2007

As of 2007, Final Fantasy, Castlevania and Metal Gear are all now 20 years old. Mega Man also abandons his greasy and frustrating teen years this year, now a slightly-less greasy and frustrating 20-years-young mega man. I always liked the little guy even if after 20 years he hasn’t grown up that much. Lord knows I give Square Enix a lot of guff but no one can deny Capcom is the posterchild supreme of repetition. Their few attempts at original franchises either make way for more sequels, or they’re TOO original and critically lauded that consumers are intimidated away to safe bets like, uh, Mega Man sequels and spin-offs.

Mega Man hasn’t had anything exciting to do in a while. The Mega Man Legends series was the last kick in the pants the franchise got and that was whenever Playstation 1 was still cutting-edge. There are rumblings of a possible Mega Man Legends 3, otherwise it’s been Battle Networks, Mega Man X spin-offs and two PSP remakes.

By the Maker, what is it with me and remakes?



City of the Lost Children: Soaking Wet Loli

June 19, 2007

That title is sure to bring us a few hits.

I wanna live there =(

Anyways, grumps can sometimes run into problems inherent to their grumpiness. Because I have grown so jaded and tired of “normal” films. Ah, yes, Brad Pitt and George Clooney are hanging out in casinos again and getting paychecks for it. Ho hum. Will Smith’s ruining another classic science fiction novel? Yawwwwwn. It’s becoming increasingly more difficult to find films that surprise or pique that special little area in my brain that responds to pleasant novelty. I’m becoming so hostile to middle-of-the-road entertainment that I came close to berating a co-worker who said to me about a discussion over TV shows, “You’re thinking too hard. It’s only television!” One day I will reach a point where I will only find Eastern European musicals about paraplegic faeries sung entirely in Esperanto to be amusing. But for now, I’m still hitting the softer stuff. Stuff like La Cité des Enfants Perdus (City of the Lost Children).


Ghost in the Hell

June 16, 2007

Another exciting installment!

Raise your hand if you ever read a Ghost Rider comic.

Yeah, thought so, me neither, so all I know from the books is he’s supposed to be a guy on a motorcycle with a flaming skull. That was the only expectation I had. Does the movie succeed in that department?

The answer may surprise you.


Grump Alert: Solid State Society to Air Monday Night

June 10, 2007


This is a priority 1 Grump Alert, guys! One of Tim’s and I’s most hotly anticipated movies this year is getting airtime on the Sci-Fi Channel Monday night. Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex Solid State Society is a movie installment in the venerable Stand Alone Complex branch of the Ghost in the Shell franchise. Not only was Ghost in the Shell one of the inspirations for The Matrix, which was the inspiration for almost every action movie since 1999, but Stand Alone Complex has been almost consistently the best iteration of the franchise. Not to mention it’s probably one of the best animes I’ve ever seen. It comes as close to perfection as I’ve ever seen in an anime, and judging from Tim’s reaction to seeing a special screening of Solid State Society earlier this year, I have no reason to doubt the same is the case with this one. If you’re worried about not being able to jump into it; don’t be. The basic premise is that Section 9 is a group of anti-cybercrime cops in the near future. Motoko Kusanagi (aka The Major) used to be their leader, but two years ago she disappeared, leaving her teammate Batou inconsolable. Action and talking heads ensue.

It airs this Monday night at 11PM EST. I don’t care what you have to do to see this: tape it, stay up and miss work the next day, whatever. You are seeing this. And posting your reactions in the comments for this post. :3

Remember: that’s 11PM EST on the Sci-Fi Channel. This is an event no Grumpling will be allowed to miss!