Magus is Knocked Up! \:0

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Here’s Mora’s in-depth take.

A capsule review. SPOILERS? YOU BET LOL SEE THE MOVIE

I thought it was good. Nothing extraordinary, some good, harmless laughs. Except for that Stephen Hawking jab. WTF was that? Nobody in the theater laughed at it. Why was it there? How did that stay in? They couldn’t have thought of a better joke? A wheelchair race would’ve been funnier, if obvious as fuck.

Seth Rogan proves himself a leading man, but Paul Rudd steals the show. His glazed, sad deadpan got me every time. A sarcastic loving asshole, he is the best model for dads and husbands I’ve seen in a movie in a long time. I can easily see myself turning into that character. Sad? Yeah, a little, but he was the most honest, realistic thing in the movie.

His wife was such a shrew I can’t see how even wives can relate. I know that’s the point – she’s the image of marriage every man fears – but holy shit, be gone, harpy! Sure, she’s why Paul Rudd’s character succeeds. Who wouldn’t wanna escape her? Yet he STILL manages to love her, and the movie was at its most satisfying when Seth Rogan chews her out and even MORE satisfying when the club bouncer put her in her fucking place. Hmph. And is that Oprah shit true? Good god. Anyone know? Anyone wanna out themselves?

By the way, everyone, don’t know if you know this, but the distinction between the sexes is nothing short of VAST. Katharine Heigl’s easy on the eyes, believe you me, but I couldn’t wait until the gals got offscreen so we could enjoy some more good, ball-gargling fun with the guys. Get this, fellas: WOMEN ARE SERIOUS. And they want you to be too. Apparently it is impossible for women in movies to not be fucking killjoys unless they’re in a Tarantino flick, in which case they DO know every pop culture reference and are EAGER to wield samurai swords. Meanwhile, guys are slobby, fun-loving idiots. We love our video games and pot. Kernels of truth for sure, but if I was female (Wow, imagine that…!) I’d feel a little offended. Like, “Not all of us have sticks up our cooches.” Christ.

So, just as Kill Bill is a fantasy, so is this, and this goes for Apatow’s previous 40-Year-Old Virgin as well. What does it take for nerds to bag the babe and “better themselves?” A family. Baggage. Screw your independence, hazed as it is. Get married to Catherine Keener and her baggage family from a previous marriage. Get married to your knocked up fling (The word “abortion” is never even muttered – it’s censored) and turn your life around. That’s how nerds win according to Apatow. Anyone who’s gone on a few dates knows the real story. Hot babe go bye-bye.

OK, to be fair, the 40-Year-Old Virgin was not really better off as a, uh, 40-year-old virgin but nothing pissed me off more in that movie than when Catherine Keener wanted him to sell his collection for whatever. That was bullshit. To be fairer, little else would make me happier than impregnating Katherine Heigl. |:3

It’s just that the fluffy, family moral is so, so safe. Considering these guys are making gay jokes all the time when are we going to get the gay version of this? OK… maybe not the gay version of Knocked Up, the logistics just don’t match, but you know, cut the lip service shit, Hollywood. Where’s your liberal mindset you never forget to remind us of every Oscar season? Sorry, that new Adam Sandler thing doesn’t really cut it, as hot as shit Jessica Biel is. See? How gay is that? …Where am I going with this?

Oh! How did Seth’s character suddenly get financially secure enough to buy a house? Did I blink and miss that scene? Hmm.

So, er, anyway, fantastic as it is – and that’s in the mystical elves and fairy sense – the movie is not as classic as reviews have you think. Blunt Spider-Man 3 references kinda fuckin’ prevent timelessness but it’s a fine comedy anyway and I look forward to more from Apatow, Rogan and Rudd. Hopefully something a little less conservative-minded next time. Let’s keep the pro-life, pro-family agenda in our action movies.

THIS is timeless.

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8 Responses to “Magus is Knocked Up! \:0”

  1. Chad Says:

    I feel like I just got hit by the clue train. Did you just tell me the movie? Maybe this entire review is a questionnaire for Apatow? Such a different voice, Mr. Torres.

  2. sirtmagus Says:

    Really? I thought I said “fuck” enough times.

  3. IGoByChad Says:

    Sorry, you’re going to need to increase the “fuck” count.

  4. The King of Queens Effect « Semantic Drift Says:

    […] Some critics see the distinction between the juvenile fun of the all-male crowd of Ben’s buddies and the mature, grown-up world of Alison’s sister as being too obvious. I can’t disagree, but I think the fun comes watching the characters navigate between them as they become more mature. If there wasn’t any kind of growth, would anyone care to see the film? And coming to terms with responsibility and family is a big part of growing up, even if it is a little safe and universal. […]

  5. johnmora Says:

    I hope you’re all happy with Judd knocking you up.

  6. IGoByChad Says:

    Hurray! You guys are “some critics” as noted by Semantic Drift!

  7. johnmora Says:

    I will not rest until we are upgraded to “the”. }:3

  8. The King of Queens Effect | Semantic Drift Says:

    […] Some critics see the distinction between the juvenile fun of the all-male crowd of Ben’s buddies and the mature, grown-up world of Alison’s sister as being too obvious. I can’t disagree, but I think the fun comes watching the characters navigate between them as they become more mature. If there wasn’t any kind of growth, would anyone care to see the film? And coming to terms with responsibility and family is a big part of growing up, even if it is a little safe and universal. […]

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