Archive for January, 2010

Crappy Cartoon Cavalcade: Rock-A-Doodle

January 14, 2010

FART

Tim: let’s watch some bullshit
John: “no”
Tim: doesn’t it warm your heart?
John: “no”
Tim: WEEEEEEEEEEEE
John: say when!
Tim: NOWWWW
John: GOLDCREST
Tim: Aren’t they a toothpaste?
John: an institution to remember
John: IRELAND?
John: This was animated in Ireland??
Tim: Ugh. I knew this movie had an Irish stink to it.
John: WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS have to do with SPACE? Or a SOARING orchestral score?
John: I’m expecting Krypton any moment.
Tim: Yeah, is that a thing to have ROCK A DOODLE in pink retro letting with soaring strings in the background?
John: “Back before I knew how to tie my shoes~” OH, RIGHT, THEN
Tim: what is this i don’t even
John: HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Grump Alert – LOST on Hulu

January 6, 2010

Just letting any interested parties out there know that the superb television series LOST is offering the past 5 seasons of full episodes on the streaming service Hulu. Why should you watch LOST? I think I’ve covered this before, but to sum it up: it’s some of the best, most creative suspense out there, with richly-drawn characters, a fantastic ensemble of actors and some truly stand-out scoring for a TV series. LOST is best consumed all at once, so hopefully those of you out there that have been sitting on the fence will use this as an opportunity to bone up on the show in anticipation of its final season in early February. Hope it hooks you like it hooked me!

WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE

Blahvatar – Cameron’s Courageous Catastrophe

January 4, 2010

Dances With Wolves, Stargate, Atlantis, The Last Samurai, Last of the Mohicans, Fern Gully, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, The Day After Tomorrow... with a new hat!

After three hours of  nature tours, massaging six-legged horses with fiber optic cables and the big, dumb, obligatory Good Guy vs. Bad Guy brawl, the pure and innocent Na’vi send the evil human race back to their “dying world.” The campaign on Pandora was humanity’s last hope for survival, yet after all of Avatar‘s crybaby tirades about respecting life and walking in the Other’s shoes, you’d think it’d go both ways. But no, humanity’s sent off to die like the bunch of greedy losers we are, because replacing one potential genocide with another makes everything okay apparently. It’s suicidal, self-loathing smugness on par with The Day After Tomorrow.

According to James Cameron we all deserve to die,  and since everyone’s heralding his boring, corny mess as a masterpiece, rewarding it with over $1 billion and counting worldwide, maybe he’s right. Just kill us all right now.

Something happened to James Cameron since Titanic. Something bad.

Maybe he rented Halo one afternoon and decided “Ah, I can do this, too, but with more tie-dye”, in a bizarre cannibalistic twist, since Halo and the rest of the video game medium lifts so heavily from Camerons’ milieu — y’know, bald space marines in dropships, of which there is no shortage in Avatar. It makes sense then that Cameron would come full circle and produce the longest, dumbest video game cutscene in history and put it before us, daring to call it a revolution in cinema.  The man’s courageous for sure, serving us Krusty Burgers and calling them steamed hams when they’re clearly grilled.

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