Crappy Cartoon Cavalcade: Rock-A-Doodle

by

FART

Tim: let’s watch some bullshit
John: “no”
Tim: doesn’t it warm your heart?
John: “no”
Tim: WEEEEEEEEEEEE
John: say when!
Tim: NOWWWW
John: GOLDCREST
Tim: Aren’t they a toothpaste?
John: an institution to remember
John: IRELAND?
John: This was animated in Ireland??
Tim: Ugh. I knew this movie had an Irish stink to it.
John: WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS have to do with SPACE? Or a SOARING orchestral score?
John: I’m expecting Krypton any moment.
Tim: Yeah, is that a thing to have ROCK A DOODLE in pink retro letting with soaring strings in the background?
John: “Back before I knew how to tie my shoes~” OH, RIGHT, THEN
Tim: what is this i don’t even
John: HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Tim: oh god this is giving me whiplash
John: [LOST eye]
John: That cloud is so mortified.
Tim: Chanteclair?? Shanticlare…?
John: Chanticleer?
Tim: I’m upset we need a rooster to wake the sun.
John: “DOGGONE SHOES”
Tim: UGH AWFUL HENS
John: “SAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYNGLE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
John: This inbred… whatever it is
John: playing the banjo
Tim: This narration sure is shoehorned in, huh :V
John: Is he supposed to be Elvis? Or a country singer? Or what.
John: Well
John: If the narration wasn’t here… this movie would be confusing as fuck.
John: THE GRAND DUKE OF OWLS???
Tim: Wait there’s — YEAH
John: I didn’t know the owls had a duchy.
Tim: what just happened?!
John: A BIG FIGHT
John: that got talked over
John: by a dumb dog that can’t tie his shoes
John: Still.
John: This rooster sorta has it coming!
Tim: Yeah, he messed up that tuxedo-wearing bird’s pool time.
Tim: WHOA
Tim: WHOA
John: WAIT WHAT
Tim: LIVE ACTION!?!?
John: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
John: Filmed in 1983
John: This isn’t the fucking Pagemaster.
Tim: “Mom, you could’ve picked out a better book to read to me.”
Tim: WAIT, NOW WHO’S NARRATING?
John: STILL THE IMAGINARY DOG
Tim: in the book… that this kid… is reading…
John: Maybe a 4D kid is reading a storybook about HIM.
Tim: This is a mess.
John: This is such a confusing narrative.
Tim: Pray for the rain to stop?!
Tim: Mom, that’s not how weather works.
John: It is in the Midwest.
John: City-boy~
Tim: PSHAW
John: Is this where Christopher Lloyd casts a spell on him?
Tim: I hope so. I’m just confused. Is reality affecting the Shawntyclair World or what?
John: This feels like it was made for Hallmark or something.
John: and Bluth just appropriated it for a frame story.
Tim: BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE~
John: OH NO
John: THE OWL BARON
John: OR WHATEVER
Tim: Don Bluth, what are you doing
John: He’s going bat-shit
John: and
John: I’m almost loving it.
Tim: fffffffffffff
John: This is the prissiest owl villain.
Tim: I’m spacing out. I can’t believe I’m watching this pigeon talk to this kid.
John: OH NO HE HAS TERRIBLE BAD BREATH
John: With
John: Planets in his breath.
Tim: Saturn, yeah.
John: What the HELL is happening.
John: I
John: I don’t even
John: “WAKE ME UP”
John: “WAKE ME UP”
John: BRRRRRMMMM
Tim: Oh, look, it’s Fievel Cat.
Tim: Don Bluth’s own personal Cloud Strife.
John: “OWLS HATE LIGHT” Is that even correct?!
Tim: Sure, why not
John: If only his shoes were tied!
John: Ugggghhh… is this worse than dying burp dog?
Tim: BUNYONS. AIN’T THAT CUTE AND TWEE?
Tim: I’M A LITTLE BOY I’M A LITTLE BOY I’M A LITTLE BOY I’M A LITTLE BOY I’M A LITTLE BOY
John: Who allowed this kid to be a voice actor with a fucking speech impediment.
John: I hope he googles Rock-A-Doodle one day and sees our withering comments.
John: And feels terrible.
John: UGH AWFUL MOUSE LADY
John: PEEPERS?!?!?!
John: Don Bluth hates children; it’s official.
Tim: Well, yeah, I know I’m gonna fight Shia LeBouef one of these days. And James Cameron. And now, Don Bluth.
Tim: SO UH
Tim: ROCK-A-DOODLE, HUH?
John: WHOA
John: Chicken breasts :3
John: MANDARK?!
Tim: A HA HA HA HA. A HA HA HA HA.
John: Is he… an oriole?
John: RUN AWAY, BE A MOUSE WIFE
Tim: Everyone here has a tongue way too big for their mouth.
John: Honestly.
John: And they think it’s cute!
Tim: TTTTTTHHHUFFERING THUCKOTASHHHTHTHTHTHT
John: So is the message of this movie supposed to be empowering little kids or something?
John: WHY ARE THESE ANIMALS WEARING CLOTHES
Tim: So, yeah, let’s watch these animals fritter away their afternoon.
John: Oh, because the chicken has giant breasts.
Tim: Right. Delicious chicken tits.
John: Man. Don Bluth loves water.
Tim: And electricity.
Tim: And… magic electricity.
John: Those are like almost the traits of a torturer.
Tim: Holy shit, it all makes sense.
John: Hey, it’s Kagato!
Tim: He loves pustules and zits and shit on creepy characters too. Maybe they’re his past victims.
John: No, wait, just the owl duke >:\
John: !!!!!!!!
John: WHAT IS THIS
Tim: Suddenly we’re a musical again!
John: ELECTRICITY
John: in an ORGAN
Tim: It must be magic!
John: Now the organ is just playing itself!
John: Did Don Bluth really think he was competing against Disney with this one?
Tim: Someone really ought to make a montage of all these fey (gay) animated villains. Ratigan, Jafar, Ratcliffe…any Disney villain… this chump…
John: What is this guy’s deal with his breath.
John: WHERE ARE ALL THE SCENES THAT SHOULD BE IN-BETWEEN THESE SCENES
Tim: Starboard is right, Mandark! >:0
John: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH WHATEVER’S HAPPENING
Tim: Disney really had nothing to worry about. They did themselves in m i rite |:V
John: No, I think Thumbelina really rocked the boat.
Tim: Well the Animaniacs short was nice at least… maybe. Probably not.
John: Who ARE these characters.
Tim: UH-OHHHHHH
John: BUBBLES
John: His third-favorite fetish.
John: Now all we need are dusty mirrors.
Tim: And slutty cats.
Tim: UH-OH
Tim: UH-OHHHHHHHHHH
Tim: Fuck is Mandrake’s problem.
John: He took some bad ecstacy.
Tim: The Bill Paxton of the group.
John: :B
Tim: Suddenly this looks like this could be ANY Don Bluth movie.
John: If this scale is correct, the average city sewer is as big as a fuckin’ cathedral.
Tim: A buncha characters tumbling through water?! YUP IT MUST BE ALL DOGS GO TO WEST TITAN A.E. OF NYMH
John: HOW DIDHTIS OWL GET SO MUCH TECHNOLOGY
John: He’s baking pies?!
John: This is the lamest villain!
John: This is the fussiest voice acting.
Tim: The Owl Duke will terrify and haunt you with his apple brown betty and a rendition of Amazing Grace.
John: This is the dumbest cartoon. |:V
John: AUGH, WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION
Tim: AUUGGHHHHH
Tim: That was disgusting. What was that thing at the end of his head?
John: Either a shower cap or a nasty zit.
Tim: Ugghhh. Bluuuuuuth.
John: That kid totally isn’t acting old enough to read.
John: Bluth also apparently loves missed connections~
Tim: He should make an animated talking animal movie about Craigslist.
John: So is this actually an animal universe?!
Tim: N..noo….
Tim: those were sexy lady legs…
Tim: …WAIT
John: D:
Tim: D:\
John: Patoo?
Tim: Naboo?
John: Is that the dog’s name?!
Tim: sure why not
Tim: Patoo
Tim: Shontyclur
Tim: Burgleswax
Tim: Beedrill
Tim: COMPLETE GLOBAL SATURATION
John: not gonna raichu a screenplay
John: NOW he’s Elvis.
Tim: oh, they’re in vegas right
John: Kids like Elvis?
John: Cuz I sure didn’t.
Tim: What about… Lilo & Stitch?
John: Never saw it!
Tim: gasp~
John: JENNIFER TILLY?
John: Or some other floozy
John: Twinkling star nipples.
Tim: OH, on the rooster. Yes.
John: AUGH
John: So many fey characters.
Tim: Star Wars starring C-3PO and just C-3PO.
John: !!!
Tim: PINKY?
John: I’d watch it!
John: ….
John: WHAT’S GOING ON
Tim: You’re asking ME?!
John: Are they… frogs?!
John: FROG BOUNCERS?
John: Doing a DANCE?
Tim: This is… making me dizzy.
Tim: THIS IS BARELY A SONG WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS
John: Chanticleer’s got a sugar daddy.
John: I have no idea what the scale is between characters anymore.
Tim: This assassin owl is doing some kind of Fujin impersonation. AGGRIVATION. RAGE.
John: This fox just keeps GROWING.
John: Or the rooster’s SHRINKING.
Tim: Ugh. Another Bluth fetish? :o
John: Don’t. Even. |:O
John: Oh no, in-bred furry thing!
Tim: MEANWHILE… NOT FAR AWAY…
Tim: The PIG with a CREWCUT’S in charge?!
John: These are the worst characters.
John: STEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Tim: So. What is the Duke Owl trying to do?
John: It turns out Peter O’Toole’s the owl.
John: No, not really. |:3
John: WHAT THE HELL
John: WHO
John: WHO WROTE THESE MUSICAL NUMBERS
John: Running out of batteries isn’t a CRISIS.
Tim: WELL THAT WAS … brief. thank god.
John: ugh
John: Cross your fucking legs, fox.
Tim: AUGH CROSS THEM AGAIN
John:
John: It’s an evil grandfather?!
Tim: Your chicken… thinks…
Tim: We’re just watching an insane bird talk on the phone.
John: WHAT
John: PENGUIN suits?!
John: What a cruel rule.
John: When EVERYONE is a dog, cat, bird or mouse.
Tim: That’s discrimination.
Tim: …i think? I think I missed that joke.
Tim: A nerdy bird in a penguin suit hugging lasagna. Why don’t I love this?
John: Because… the joy’s been sucked out of it :c
John: Mice dressed as starfish!
John: Okay!
John: BIRDS DON’T HAVE HAIR
Tim: Imagine seeing this in theaters.
Tim: I’d saw off my own legs
Tim: like the last scene of Saw.
John:
John: I’m trying to imagine the design sheets for this.
John: With a Lobster-Cat
John: Treasure-huntin’ fever… for love?!
Tim: Hey, wait. Feivel Goes West had a similar hijinx during musical number thing.
Tim: That was waaaayyyy better.
John: Yeah, and it was ten times better.
John: There aren’t even real instruments in this song!
Tim: lol are they using MIDI?!
John: This friggin’ narration. I’d complain, but you need it when the movie makes no sense.
Tim: Do you think Goldie likes … cock? :VVVVVV
John: I think she might be cock crazy. :3
Tim: This scene is for the birds.
John: “When roosters fall in love, they lose all reason.” THERE’S A QUOTE FOR YA
Tim: lol
John: Oh look Chanticleer’s actually talking.
John: For the first time in the movie?!
Tim: BLOATED LAMB
Tim: Known for exploding.
John: BEAKS DON’T DO THAT
John: I needed a good spinning newspaper sequence.
Tim: Boy, the plot is really taking WING now!
Tim: lol
Tim: yes, the bird’s trailer
John: There goes the cat CHICKENING OUT again!
John: If this is an animal universe, why is everything so out-sized for the animals?!
Tim: …You’re blowing my mind.
John: “She’s a woman.”
John: Roid-raging frogs?!
Tim: Mandrake, why are you even here
John: Ugh, this fox’s giant belly-crotch.
John: Why is this owl still trying
Tim: How to tell if your cartoon character’s a villain: Is it fat? Is it effiminate? Is it British?
John: The fox is only two of those things!
John: …What is this owl talking about?!
Tim: Er, does it have an accent?
John: His mom and his STEW?
John: BEES SURE WHY NOT
Tim: WHAT IS THIS HOME ALONE SHIT
John: He can tell whose paws they are.
John: In-fucking-credible.
Tim: ugh, Goldie close-up
John: …This fox is one step away from being Truman Capote.
Tim: He’s an awfully rude Capote!
John: How much “munny” could he have tied up in this movie?!
John: ELECTRICITY
John: it’d been a minute
Tim: hyuk hyuk
John: This is like.
John: Third-rate Roger Rabbit.
Tim: WHY IS THE BED SPARKING?
John: Why does Chanticleer have TEETH
Tim: Those frogs had teethg
Tim: THEY ALL HAVE TEEETH
John: DISGUSTING
Tim: I’VE KILLED ‘IM
John: LOL
John: This fucking mouse. Has she done ANYTHING?
Tim: Jumpin’ Jehosahshasaphat. Say that EIGHT MORE TIMES
Tim: sweet, I hope this turns into Weekend at Bernie’s
John: I was thinking the same damn thing.
Tim: OH SHIT
Tim: BATTLETOADS
John: DOHOHOHOHO ANIMAL PUNS
Tim: That WAS pretty FOWL
John: What
John: What is this
John: Why does the fox have all these sets HE’S NOT EVEN USING
John: Mouse, YOU do it.
John: The kid’s like 4 years old.
Tim: Oh good. This movie needed a good Ben-Hur gag.
Tim: Or whatever the fuck.
John: Hope she DIES.
John:
John: wait WHAT
John: Where IS he?
Tim: He… he lost his MIND
John: Amazing.
Tim: He’s in the Lifestream.
John: So uh
Tim: Um
Tim: Instant bravery, I guess.
John: Better than nothing!
Tim: WHOOAAAAAAAAA
John: Gay fox loves his pink caddy!
Tim: Goldie’s got some THIGHS, I tells ya
John: You’re perving over an animated pheasant.
Tim: I’m saying, I’d love to cover them with some sauce.
John: Got any TINY TOONS you wanna salivate over?
Tim: …Dodo? :3
John: CHOPPER OUT OF NOWHERE
John: OH THAT’S WHAT THE MOUSE DOES
Tim: WHO’S MURRAY?
John: CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAZY!
Tim: NICE LADYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Tim: Whoa, re-using animation, Bluth.
John: Stewie, you’re fucking up!
John: These owls are actually the least shitty part of the movie.
Tim: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii dunnooooooooooooo…
Tim: They’re still singing.
John: It’s not saying much!
Tim: PASS THE PORK.
John: HOW HUGE IS THIS OWL THAT THE PIG FITS IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND
Tim: D:\\\\\\\
Tim: NO, FIEVEL CAT
Tim: CHANTICLEER IS NOT MEANT TO BE USED
John: Wait, this is the kid’s farm?
Tim: HE IS ONLY A DETERRENT
Tim: and sure, why not
Tim: Good, y’know, I was wondering when that owl would get terrorized again
Tim: HEY, let’s stretch out our movie further with ANOTHER TUMBLING THROUGH WATER SCENE
John: I wanna know how many 80 year old men it took to come up with this movie.
Tim: LOL
Tim: “HUH?”
John: Basically!
Tim: Shawndyclaird has no idea what’s going on.
Tim: He’s our audience surrogate! :V
John: Whoa, all of his muscles melted away.
Tim: I suddenly relate to him.
John: HOW IS THE OWL DOING THIS SHIT
John: THEY DIDN’T EVEN SAY HE WAS A MAGICAL OWL
Tim: GET TO THE POINT, OWL
John: I don’t think he has a point!
John: He’s won, hasn’t he?
John: YES
John: CHOKE THAT KID
Tim: This is some despicable TWEETMENT, wouldn’t you say?!
John: D:|||||||||||
Tim: Quick, dog, give him mouth-to-mouth.
John: Why does the owl have snake eyes?!
Tim: Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell…
John: OH NOOOOOOOOO
John: Jafar-Owl
Tim: AN ALL-POWERFUL… OWL
John: Why didn’t he do this in the first place?!
Tim: You’re a phonay~
John: HUH
Tim: COCKA…
Tim: doodledoo?
Tim: WHAT
John: This makes the least sense.
Tim: is he traveling through time?!
Tim: So, uh
Tim: Snively gets to beat up Robotnik
Tim: That’s. GREAT. :V
John: surewhynot
John: Let’s see how treacly Bluth can make this.
John: HEY LOOK IT’S SNOW WHITE
John: Did that fucking bird every do one thing?
Tim: Man Drake? \:3
John: D:<
John: Quit perving on the little boy, mouse-wench.
Tim: Every furry’s dream.
Tim: “Edmond… Edmond, quit your sick little fantasies.”
John: Sorry, Edmond, you’re furry for life. :c
John: LOOK THE WORLD IS ORANGE
John: Any other parent would be deeply disturbed by this child.
Tim: Years of therapy, this one.
John: AUGH
John: NO
John: You were getting better, Edmond. :c
Tim: oh god chicken lady in overalls
John: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? beat the pants off of this technology.
John: Pheasant in daisy dukes.
Tim: I wish Edmond was Bob Hoskins.
John: SIX PEOPLE MADE UP THIS STORY
Tim: ||||||||:0
John: It took six grown men.
John:
John: There’s a song about TYING YOUR SHOES in the credits?!
Tim: This movie.
Tim: Was not meant for us.
John: Baloo’s slumming.
Tim: Augghhhh
Tim: That IS Baloo isn’t it
John: So the question is: Who WAS this movie meant for??
Tim: Kids who had no idea what entertainment was.
John: Had you ever seen this when you were a kid?
Tim: Beyond seeing commercials on TV or whatever, nope.
John: You saw commercials for it on TV? The most I was ever aware of it was an ad in Archie Comics.
John: But I did rent it once, while I was staying the night with a cousin.
John: And we were still bored by it.
Tim: WEll, good!
Tim: You kids had some sense at least being bored by it.
Tim: This was 1991.
Tim: How did Bluth go on making movies after this?!
John: I think he had other 80 year old men who thought his movies were simply delightful running the studio.
John: LOL
John: So get this.
John: Goldie the Pheasant was originally supposed to be reminiscent of Jessica Rabbit.
Tim: oh my~
John: But mothers during test screenings were appalled by her.
Tim: Appalled by the sexy chicken?!
John: So they made them go back and edit her cleavage out.
Tim: Good call. …I guess.
John: Apparently the Duke was supposed to be making a skunk pie, but that had to get cut out to avoid a PG rating.
John: Because baking a skunk alive is bad.
Tim: In case skunks were offended.
Tim: Or Randy Quaid.
John: Hmmm
John: And you know how the Duke had planets or whatever in his breath?
John: Those were added to make him “less scary”
John: As if Bluth ever cared if children were scared.
Tim: Oh yeah. Giant wwirling balls of gas beyond my ken were way less scary when I was a kid.
Tim: Gotta say. Never expected Rockadoodle to pull a Gainax ending.
John: It was a GAINAX ending?
John: I thought it was more like Labyrinth.
John: “You’re in the real world now–PSYCH!”
Tim: Or, uh, Gainax climax? WTF happened?
John: Um.
John: Third Impact?
John: He turned into lightning or SOMETHING.
John: How dumb did he think kids were?
Tim: Lightning that SHRUNK the owl… it was a MARIO KART ending!
John: And if it really was Chanticleer that makes the sun rise, why did it show up that one time he failed to crow?!
Tim: Dumb enough to think they’d go see Thumbelina, A Troll in Central Park and The Pebble and the Penguin after this.
Tim: The movie’s a MESS
Tim: If they’re ALL animals, like in the cities and stuff
Tim: WHY do they go back to the FARM?
Tim: TO BE FARM ANIMALS?
John: With no humans visible.
Tim: CUZ THEY’RE NOT FARMERS
Tim: Makes
Tim: no
Tim: sense.
John: Do they just farm themselves?!
Tim: Like… Animal Farm?
John: Did the dog tying his shoes thing EVER become relevant?
Tim: No.
Tim: Neither was the live action.
John: Which Bluth directed himself!
John: No live-action experience before!
John: Impressed? :V
Tim: He certainly pointed the camera at real people.
John: “Features the earliest mainstream usage of the term “furry” to refer to an anthropomorphic character.”
John: Thank you, IMDB!
John: And thank you, Don Bluth.
Tim: For doing this to the world.
John: Tsk, this is Phil Harris’ (aka, Baloo) last movie.
John: This and dying burp dog.
Tim: I swear Bluth just kills people after he’s done with them.
John: Never, EVER play an elderly dog in an animated movie.
John: Well.
John: Would YOU wanna live after being in Rock-A Doodle?
Tim: Maybe. As some kind of sexy chicken.
John: Christopher Plummer was the Owl Duke whatever.
Tim: He probably had no idea.
Tim: They just bugged his room and happened to catch all that.
John: Oh man, and the little kid was also in Ren and Stimpy.
Tim: WHAT
John: He was that kid that they visited for that episode.
John: With the psychotic dad.
John: He was also The Lizard’s son in the Spider-Man animated series!
John: Quite… a career.
Tim: Yyyyyyyyyeeeeeah.
Tim: So this was after All Dogs Go to Heaven.
Tim: Which I rememeber being quite weird and creepy.
John: All Dogs Go to Heaven was like his last halfway decent film.
John: How do you go from that to THIS?
John: This is just… the ramblings of a madman.
John: Lunacy given shape and form.
Tim: Truly. It looked so cheap.
John: He just had to pay the animators in booze.
John: Ireland, remember? :V
Tim: Ahhhh, yes.
Tim: A sound investment.
Tim: Well, I didn’t give a HOOT about Rock-A-Doodle.
John: OHHHHH YOU

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8 Responses to “Crappy Cartoon Cavalcade: Rock-A-Doodle”

  1. Denethor Says:

    I grew up on this movie, probably have it memorized… I was an ignorant Disney-child who was entranced by all things Bluth…. and even the Bluth-esque sequels…. (Land Before Time IV, anyone?)

    That being said, the only thing I liked most about this movie was the villain. He’s such a HOOT. And watching him become a tornado scared the shit outta me as a kid.

  2. Terry Says:

    Gotta stick some screen caps in.

  3. Terry Says:

    Guys I just watched this with my girlfriend

    She’s so pissed

  4. God Says:

    One of my favourite Don Bluth movies from my childhood, I hate it when it happens to poor ol’ Don the decision move to Ireland is a bad idea and didn’t get the best for him I’m afraid.

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