Archive for the ‘90s’ Category

Third Grumpiversary – The Pebble and the Penguin (and some whizzing too)

April 28, 2010

marc: Pebble and the Penguin right?
they have secret of nimh? :O
maybe magus would wanna watch that instead
unless he really wants the SHITTY factor
marc: I havent seen that either
john: we’ll ask
cuz pebble and the penguin’s shit
as you can see by the art
marc: I thought that was the point though? :3
john: i know!
but nimh’s not beyond reproach
it’s got like one segment i remember being awesome
the rest i can’t remember

sirtmagus has entered the room.

john: his wihizzes are like fifteen minutes long, the hell
tim: so i weighed myself before i whizzed
and i weighed myself after… 133
john: lol
did you?
tim: a whole pppoooouuund of whiz~
john: god you are so thin
marc: 133? seriously?
john: anyways
it seems hulu also has secret of nimh
tim: oh god.
nightmare fuel.
john: so i was asking you which you think would make better third grumpiversary fodder
tim: hmmm.
whichever one’s shorter |:VVVV
i got it paused at the start
so just say when


Resident Evil 2 – 11 Years Later, Still a Bloody Good Time

October 26, 2009

Survival horror is pretty much dead. Ironic, I guess that it didn’t … survive. It was very much a product of its time, when pre-rendered graphics and static camera angles were the height of sophistication. And c’mon, how long could monsters jumping out of windows stay scary? Things are different now. Silent Hill has been franchised to death, though a dubious remake of the original creeps on its way. The Resident Evil series mutated into an action game in a weird cyclical cannibalistic situation — Resident Evil 4 spawned Gears of War which spawned Resident Evil 5 and, ah, the rest of this generation.

Although, really, Resident Evil’s been an action series since Resident Evil 2. Beyond a few jump scares it’s a straight-up shooter with a few puzzles sprinkled on top. The game’s packed with ammo and weaponry despite the rudimentary aiming system. You just hold R1 to aim, swivel in one spot to select a target and mash away on the X button. But hey,  11 years after release, Resident Evil 2 remains a tense, effective game. I still jump, my heart still races and I still remember where every monster and item is, and that doesn’t take away from the experience to this day. It’s snappy, simple and constantly rewarding.

So I think I’ll just spout out what I love about it.



Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie – SMELLS LIKE … TEENAGERS

July 2, 2009


Happy Holidays – Disney’s Hunchback: Take Him Out to Lunch, Jack

December 19, 2008


John: I am prepared, d00d

John: looong wiz

Tim: k let’s rock this bitch

John: say when

Tim: nowww

John: Mmm chanting

John: Classy beginning

John: Where’s Escaflowne

Tim: Classic logo.



Tim: It’s Brazil!

John: drama


Tim: Those’re some detailed houses.

John: this zoom in is fantastic

John: how did they do these shots?!

John: some of the most complex I’ve seen in an animated movie

Tim: Is this the second Disney movie set in France?

John: uhhh

Tim: I half-expect Belle to walk in.

John: I think Sleeping Beauty might’ve been French

John: she does

Tim: WUT

John: She’s an easter egg

Tim: ohhhh. quite the egg.

John: this puppet rocks


Tim: Clopin will tell you~

John: this is atmosphere, meng

Tim: These gypsies have terrific eyebrows.


(grumplet) IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS – Lost Gem

October 29, 2008

In the Mouth of Madness sneaks under the radar as one of John Carpenter’s lesser known exploits but it has Sam Neill going crazy, something that’s always fun, so it definitely warrants your attention if you’re looking for a rental these few days before Halloween. It’s a horror-comedy-mystery mash-up with plenty of nods to Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft. The title itself is based on one of Lovecraft’s works, “At the Mountain of Madness.”

Sam Neill plays an insurance investigator looking for Sutter Cane, a popular Stephen King-like author who hermits himself away in a creepy New England town. His readers across the world take his novels so seriously they go on murderous rampages while extolling Cane’s apocalyptic prose about long-dead monster gods coming to life. Sam Neill, peculiarly accented when no one else is, refuses to believe the written word can have such an impact on people so he ventures off to see whether it’s all a huge publicity stunt or the real deal. And things just get crazier and crazier from there.

The movie’s filmed in 1995 though you wouldn’t guess that at all. The hair, the costumes, the sets, the special effects, who’s in it – it’s all straight out of the 80s. It’s like Carpenter never left the decade behind. The woman who tags along with Sam Neill has a bird’s nest style typical of the era and everything looks cheap as hell. True budget filmmaking, made even more evident by the bizarro cameos. Charleton Heston shows up as Sutter Cane’s publisher, reading cue cards off-camera in an office he never leaves, and David Warner – star of Quest of the Delta Knights, Time After Time and Titanic – appears far too briefly as a psychiatrist. The most disappointing thing about the movie is there’s not enough David Warner. John Carpenter had a chance to use him and he barely does. Augh.

But Sam Neill going crazy is enough to entertain, especially when he arrives at Cane’s town and meets the residents. The suspense piles up as the town’s oddities slowly reveal themselves. It’s hilarious how Sam brushes off the more grotesque and unexplainable mysteries as elaborate hoaxes, and even funnier when he tries to leave but can’t no matter how hard he tries, and still insists on some sort of logical explanation. When Cane himself shows up, played by Jurgen Prochnow of all people, and rubbery beasts in the fashion of The Thing and Possession appear, the writing’s on the wall. Quite literally. Then the wall bursts open and unleashes unspeakable horror, and the fourth wall takes a hit or two. I see how the winking, self-deprecating humor could betray viewers looking for a more serious horror outing in In the Mouth of Madness, but it’s the kind of surreal, playful shot in the arm the genre needs every once in a while. By poking fun at authorship, creativity, suspension of disbelief and the effect fiction has on people Carpenter almost reaches They Live levels of his own goofy, brand of brilliance.

So, like, check it out.



August 1, 2008

Mystery Science Theater 3000 head writer Mike Nelson writes in his collection of movie reviews, “Movie MegaCheese”:

For those of you who were scared away by the abysmal reviews of Batman & Robin, let me lay to rest some of the prejudices you might have about the film. It’s not the worst movie ever. No, indeed. It’s the worst thing ever. Yes, it’s the single worst thing that we as human beings have ever produced in recorded history. (There may have been a viler clay tablet somewhere in prehistory, but we mustn’t spend time speculating on that.) Batman & Robin is an act of cold cynicism, reckless incompetence, and unbridled hate. It is a story filled with hints of fetishism and pederasty, displayed with a bald-faced contempt for its audience.

But, hey, that George Clooney is easy on the eyes, I’ll tell you that for free!

And that’s really all there is to say at this point. As with Batman Forever, here are my unedited viewing notes and an obscene amount of screenshots of a really bad, really stupid movie.


BATMAN FOREVER – Thankfully Not Forever

July 25, 2008

Despite Burton’s hang-ups with plot, pacing and remote-controlled penguins the director helped catapult Batman into the mainstream consciousness as a serious comic book icon, a badass, kind of psychotic, and relevant, because nothing is relevant unless it’s rendered in live-action cinema. When Joel “Lost Boys” Schumacher took the franchise reins from Burton, who held on as a “producer” (whatever that means), Batman’s newfound reputation as a fearsome crusader was dashed to the rocks, replaced by an insufferable neon-lit homo eroticism. How WB allowed this to happen to their superhero cash cow is nothing short of bewildering. Obviously no one gave a damn. The only thing that mattered at this point were the Burger King tie-ins, the action figures and toys and the shitty Super Nintendo game. Clearly, across the board, no one was attempting a modicum of quality control because no one gave a shit. And we allowed it to happen! Batman Forever made a ton of money in 1995 yet even as a kid I knew something was wrong. Mainly I was embarrassed by Jim Carrey’s canoodling. And all that neon rubber? The stupid new theme music?! What, was Danny Elfman’s too good?

I won’t go into a full-detail analysis because I just don’t have it in me to put every codpiece-covered inch of Batman Forever under the grumposcope. It is exactly the type of 1990s clueless studio manipulated trash that deserves to be mocked and shamed, useful for only the occasional ironic laugh. Instead I’ve provided my unedited notes I took while watching the movie, and there are the usual screenshots.