Archive for the ‘Avatar’ Category

Blahvatar – Cameron’s Courageous Catastrophe

January 4, 2010

Dances With Wolves, Stargate, Atlantis, The Last Samurai, Last of the Mohicans, Fern Gully, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, The Day After Tomorrow... with a new hat!

After three hours of  nature tours, massaging six-legged horses with fiber optic cables and the big, dumb, obligatory Good Guy vs. Bad Guy brawl, the pure and innocent Na’vi send the evil human race back to their “dying world.” The campaign on Pandora was humanity’s last hope for survival, yet after all of Avatar‘s crybaby tirades about respecting life and walking in the Other’s shoes, you’d think it’d go both ways. But no, humanity’s sent off to die like the bunch of greedy losers we are, because replacing one potential genocide with another makes everything okay apparently. It’s suicidal, self-loathing smugness on par with The Day After Tomorrow.

According to James Cameron we all deserve to die,  and since everyone’s heralding his boring, corny mess as a masterpiece, rewarding it with over $1 billion and counting worldwide, maybe he’s right. Just kill us all right now.

Something happened to James Cameron since Titanic. Something bad.

Maybe he rented Halo one afternoon and decided “Ah, I can do this, too, but with more tie-dye”, in a bizarre cannibalistic twist, since Halo and the rest of the video game medium lifts so heavily from Camerons’ milieu — y’know, bald space marines in dropships, of which there is no shortage in Avatar. It makes sense then that Cameron would come full circle and produce the longest, dumbest video game cutscene in history and put it before us, daring to call it a revolution in cinema.  The man’s courageous for sure, serving us Krusty Burgers and calling them steamed hams when they’re clearly grilled.

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