Archive for the ‘Knocked Up’ Category

Magus is Knocked Up! \:0

June 4, 2007

Here’s Mora’s in-depth take.

A capsule review. SPOILERS? YOU BET LOL SEE THE MOVIE

I thought it was good. Nothing extraordinary, some good, harmless laughs. Except for that Stephen Hawking jab. WTF was that? Nobody in the theater laughed at it. Why was it there? How did that stay in? They couldn’t have thought of a better joke? A wheelchair race would’ve been funnier, if obvious as fuck.

Seth Rogan proves himself a leading man, but Paul Rudd steals the show. His glazed, sad deadpan got me every time. A sarcastic loving asshole, he is the best model for dads and husbands I’ve seen in a movie in a long time. I can easily see myself turning into that character. Sad? Yeah, a little, but he was the most honest, realistic thing in the movie.

His wife was such a shrew I can’t see how even wives can relate. I know that’s the point – she’s the image of marriage every man fears – but holy shit, be gone, harpy! Sure, she’s why Paul Rudd’s character succeeds. Who wouldn’t wanna escape her? Yet he STILL manages to love her, and the movie was at its most satisfying when Seth Rogan chews her out and even MORE satisfying when the club bouncer put her in her fucking place. Hmph. And is that Oprah shit true? Good god. Anyone know? Anyone wanna out themselves?

By the way, everyone, don’t know if you know this, but the distinction between the sexes is nothing short of VAST. Katharine Heigl’s easy on the eyes, believe you me, but I couldn’t wait until the gals got offscreen so we could enjoy some more good, ball-gargling fun with the guys. Get this, fellas: WOMEN ARE SERIOUS. And they want you to be too. Apparently it is impossible for women in movies to not be fucking killjoys unless they’re in a Tarantino flick, in which case they DO know every pop culture reference and are EAGER to wield samurai swords. Meanwhile, guys are slobby, fun-loving idiots. We love our video games and pot. Kernels of truth for sure, but if I was female (Wow, imagine that…!) I’d feel a little offended. Like, “Not all of us have sticks up our cooches.” Christ.

So, just as Kill Bill is a fantasy, so is this, and this goes for Apatow’s previous 40-Year-Old Virgin as well. What does it take for nerds to bag the babe and “better themselves?” A family. Baggage. Screw your independence, hazed as it is. Get married to Catherine Keener and her baggage family from a previous marriage. Get married to your knocked up fling (The word “abortion” is never even muttered – it’s censored) and turn your life around. That’s how nerds win according to Apatow. Anyone who’s gone on a few dates knows the real story. Hot babe go bye-bye.

OK, to be fair, the 40-Year-Old Virgin was not really better off as a, uh, 40-year-old virgin but nothing pissed me off more in that movie than when Catherine Keener wanted him to sell his collection for whatever. That was bullshit. To be fairer, little else would make me happier than impregnating Katherine Heigl. |:3

It’s just that the fluffy, family moral is so, so safe. Considering these guys are making gay jokes all the time when are we going to get the gay version of this? OK… maybe not the gay version of Knocked Up, the logistics just don’t match, but you know, cut the lip service shit, Hollywood. Where’s your liberal mindset you never forget to remind us of every Oscar season? Sorry, that new Adam Sandler thing doesn’t really cut it, as hot as shit Jessica Biel is. See? How gay is that? …Where am I going with this?

Oh! How did Seth’s character suddenly get financially secure enough to buy a house? Did I blink and miss that scene? Hmm.

So, er, anyway, fantastic as it is – and that’s in the mystical elves and fairy sense – the movie is not as classic as reviews have you think. Blunt Spider-Man 3 references kinda fuckin’ prevent timelessness but it’s a fine comedy anyway and I look forward to more from Apatow, Rogan and Rudd. Hopefully something a little less conservative-minded next time. Let’s keep the pro-life, pro-family agenda in our action movies.

THIS is timeless.

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Knocked Up: Spider-Man 3 Spider-Man 3 Spider-Man 3

April 29, 2007

Knocked Up

At my university, I sometimes have the opportunity to view wide-release movies before their actual street dates. They’ve done this with Apocalypto and Disturbia in the past. So it should also clue you in to the type of movies they try to get: ones that need some grass roots buzz. Of the two previously mentioned, I was able to get into Apocalypto and was left fairly non-plussed. I guess Mel failed to turn me into a word-of-mouth drone with that one. I couldn’t even get into Disturbia, which was ridiculous, seeing as how it’s Shia fucking LeBouf in a shameless Spider-Man 3 Rear Window rip-off… but who am I kidding? God knows no one there knew what the hell Rear Window was (my roommate, who did get in and brought back a poster of it that sits infuriatingly beside his bed, didn’t have a clue as to what a Rear Window was) and the majority probably just saw the name and were instilled with awe-inspiring fear.

Disturbia had been shown so recently that I wasn’t on the lookout for another advance screening, but hearing my roommate make plans to see it that evening reminded me that Knocked Up was on the menu. So I decided that free was a good enough price, and walked into the Spider-Man 3 Student Union half an hour early with a friend and some acquaintances to get in line… only to be faced with a line that spanned the entire length of the rather long building. But we persevered and after a dodgy situation where for some reason one of the people in charge of the program put his arm out in front of me to bar my way AFTER I’D ALREADY BEEN GIVEN MY LITTLE BRACELET THAT SAID I COULD BE LET IN, we were all seated and ready to have white-hot Spider-Man 3 Knocked Up sprayed all over our vacant expressions.

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